Waiting is hard. Most of us already know that. It gets much harder when you have to wait for something you’re not sure will arrive. When I was fourteen, God placed it on my heart to work in youth ministry. But sometimes, I definitely wish he hadn’t. Since February, I have been at a job that pays me better than any other job I have had before and provides health insurance. I work for a company that does many amazing things to help people. Yet I am miserable. Why? Because when I was fourteen, God placed it on my heart to work in youth ministry.
Then I heard the Lord asking, “Whom should I send as a messenger to this people? Who will go for us?” I said, “Here I am. Send me.”
Tyndale House Publishers. (2015). Holy Bible: New Living Translation (Is 6:8). Tyndale House Publishers.
This verse has often resonated with me because it has now been over twelve years since I first felt God move me in that direction. I desire to be His messenger. I study and write and pray and study and write and pray. As a proud Nazarene, I am always on their job board. Unfortunately, this has often been disappointing.
This blog is a space where I share my writing, hoping to build something that leads to a writing and guest-speaking ministry. Now, I don’t feel called to be an evangelist in the most traditional sense, but I have never been afraid of public speaking. I typically feel called to a more discipleship-oriented role. One of the most rewarding things in life is seeing someone grow. I long to see the people of God grow deeper in love and understanding with their Savior and His bride. To be enthralled by His word and glorious revelation. How sad it is that most of our lives are spent working to pay taxes, and paying taxes so we can work. God made us for so much more. All of creation was good, but we were very good. God loved us so much that He chose to be born as a human baby and live and die for us. Not only die, but He was subject to public torture and execution. We don’t live to come home and have small talk with our families about work! We live to glorify the risen Christ. “We had a sale fall through today…” That’s okay! The blood of Jesus paid the ultimate price! The sale of our soul is final; neither the devil nor the world can have it.
I feel like it is a popular myth that doing something to prepare for the future makes waiting for that future easier. Don’t get me wrong, it certainly would make the time pass faster. If you finish doing that thing and the waiting still isn’t over, then you know it wasn’t actually easier. I did the thing after high school. I enrolled in college. I took out loans I couldn’t afford. I volunteered and worked in ministry. I made connections and networked. I also made mistakes and got distracted. In my eighth semester, I couldn’t find a ministry job. I was looking toward life after college.
I couldn’t build something. I remember sitting outside on a bench between Loew-Brenn Hall and Dowden Science Hall, cold, right before a meeting with my academic advisor. I was on the phone with Youth For Christ in Western Michigan, talking about a job. Oh, how I wish I could go back and tell that Cody, “Don’t worry, it gets easier.” But in many ways, I’m still on the bench. Luckily, not literally. I haven’t even seen that bench in years. I did end up graduating, just a bit later than anticipated. Then I decided to graduate again, also a bit later than I anticipated. Not only have I waited, but I’ve made it harder on myself by making the wait longer. The biggest compliment I ever receive is when anyone tells me I’m patient. I can guarantee you I’m not, but if you think so, then the Holy Spirit is clearly doing something in my life!
Even though my favorite things at my job are leaving, getting paid, and using PTO, life isn’t all bad. I love my fiancée, whom I wouldn’t have met if things had gone the way 21-year-old Cody planned. I love the church I worship with every week. I get to spend more time doing the best job I’ve ever had, being Uncle Cody. I became a better performer, like teenage Cody used to dream of, getting to act, sing, and dance in front of people—something that brings me joy. I discovered that youth ministry isn’t the only thing I can get paid to do and completely enjoy, and I discovered that coaching is way more stressful than competing. God does bless me, but waiting doesn’t get easier.
The Lord is my shepherd;
I have all that I need.
He lets me rest in green meadows;
He leads me beside peaceful streams.
He renews my strength.
He guides me along right paths,
bringing honor to his name.
Even when I walk through the darkest valley,
I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me.
Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me.
You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies.
You honor me by anointing my head with oil. My cup overflows with blessings.
Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life,
and I will live in the house of the Lord forever.Tyndale House Publishers. (2015). Holy Bible: New Living Translation (Ps 23:1–6). Tyndale House Publishers.
If you need me, I’ll still be waiting.
Today, we often wonder why God sometimes appears to step back, despite our pleas for His strong action. God loves us. As He did in Paul’s case, God works out His plan, but He does not always explain His methods to us.
Bence, P. A. (1998). Acts: a Bible commentary in the Wesleyan tradition (p. 244). Wesleyan Publishing House.
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